Our teens are still in a mental health crisis. We know they were in one during the pandemic and immediately following, but unfortunately, it’s continued. I’ve been a therapist to teens for over 25 years. I’ve worked in different settings and served in different roles – my longest and most recent role was as Head of Counseling at a rigorous, high-achieving independent school. The suffering is real. And that doesn’t mean there isn’t joy and happiness and students thriving. But it does mean there are many that are too often feeling both the joy and the pain. I stepped away from that role earlier this year, not because I didn’t love it (I did) but because my family was relocating and it was time to do something new. New, but adjacent.
So, here I am building up my consulting, therapy, and speaking practice. And while that takes shape, I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on what I saw during my work and the themes and patterns that existed. And like I said, our teens are still in a mental health crisis but they are also deep into an identity crisis. They believe, to their core, that their worth is tied to their productivity and to their performance. That their very identity is mixed up in outcomes over which they have very little to no control. And this is never more clear than in the college admissions process, which we are in the midst of at this moment. Hundreds of thousands of students waiting for an institution to tell them if they have worth or not. This can’t continue. It’s an entrenched issue that I am beginning to tease apart and figure out how we can solve it. Because our teens deserve that and deserve to know deep down that they are inherently worthy as they are.
But it’s not only in college admissions that teen’s are tying their worthiness to an outcome. It’s happening in classes, in games, in concerts, in showcases. It’s happening everywhere. And I know it needs to be dismantled. I know teens and parents need help in making sure a teen knows they have value regardless of the outcome. But I also know they still want to strive for greatness. And that’s why I focus on thriving while striving. Because when you know your worth, thriving is easy.
No promises on how often I’ll post, but I hope you’ll stay tuned for more.
Meredith Sjoberg, PhD 